Life, if that’s what you call it

So for a long time I have been dealing with unexplained pain and fatigue. Sometimes I can attribute it to the fact that I am chasing kids all day long but that only explains about 30% of the times that I am tired and hurting. I have been dealing with this since before I had kids so I have been searching for answers. When I first went to my doctor in Virginia about it she dismissed me as a hypocondriac and told me that it was all in my head. Everytime I went to her she made me feel like I was crazy, and she is the reason that it took 6 years for them to finally take my gallbladder. Because of her notes on my record they wouldn’t do the surgery until it was nearly too late.

Ok, back to the subject. Since we have been here I have been pregnant for the majority of the time so I’ve only seen my doctor 4 times and three of those were for my gallbladder. Yesterday I went in to see her and I was expecting to be dismissed once again but she surprised me. When I told her about my issues and my family history she automatically started to order blood test. It felt so good to see that she believed me and that she wanted to find answers too.

What scares me is that one of the tests she is running is for Lupus. Since my mom has lupus I have seen what can happen and that scares me. I know that it would be different with me but the fact that I have lived so close to it in the past gave me a perspective that scares the crap out of me. I want to know what is wrong with me and I want to get help so that I can live a some what normal life but the thought of knowing is scarey. The thought that it might be something even worse is even scarier. I just thought that I would share

Yeah, I know I suck at keeping people updated about me. I started a blog in the first place in order to keep people in touch because I am even worse about calling people or sending emails. I guess whenever things get busy I just forget to blog. And yes things have been busy around here and if anyone reads George’s blog they know just how busy we have been.

Well, part of the reason that I decided to blog today is because I have gotten involved online in a community and it made me want to blog. I don’t know why so I’m not even going to try to explain. Well, the group is dedicated to mommies and getting mommies together with or without the kids and for the most part it is good for me but then again there are days when it frustrates me. I guess that I completely forgot just how bad it can be to get a large group of women together because let’s face it sometimes women can be just awful to one another. I’m not saying that this is what happens all the time but it can. There are a few of these moms that I have noticed skate around the rules against flaming by being very vague and using the phrase “it’s not anyone from here” but you can tell that they are probably talking about someone from the site. This is the reason that I don’t really have that many women that I can call friends. I have a handful, and you lovely ladies know who you are, but for the most part everyone else are those passing friends that we all make at certain times of our lives. And it makes me think, why are women so awful to one another?

We are all going through the same things. We all have the same emotions and trials. Why can we be nicer to each other? Why is it when we all get together we become total bitches? When you think about it who better to be friends with than someone who has been there? I don’t know if it is because we all see each other as threats or what but seriously cut it out! You know how it feels when someone attacks you and you know that it hurts, so why do it to someone else? Why inflict the same kind of pain? It doesn’t matter if you think that that other woman did something to you or not, and to use an extremely trite phrase, two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because your hurt doesn’t mean that you deserve to inflict the same pain on that person or anyone else.

And while I am on my soapbox, what is up with all of the gossip?! Why do we find it OK to make up stories about people or spread around things that they have told us in confidence? That kind of defamation is just wrong! I have been dealing with this because some one has made it her personal campaign to bad mouth me around my neighborhood and make as many people as she can believe what she is saying and I am tired of it. I am tired of getting looks from people like they are thinking “Oh you’re the one..” I know that I am not going to get her to stop and I know that I am not going to get everyone to change their minds about me but I just wish that people would get to know someone BEFORE making an opinion. Don’t make judgements about people based on one or two conversations. And don’t be so narrow-minded to not be willing to change your mind about people.

OK, I think that I am done for the night. I guess that I just needed to get that off of my chest. I must sleep. Good night all!