Life, if that’s what you call it

Estimated 1.5 million Americans are fighting Lupus

Estimated 5 million World Wide are fighting Lupus

September 22, 2009 we lost another valiant fighter, Lucy Vodden (nee O’Donnell) aka Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

She became the subject of the Beatles song after Julian Lennon showed his father a painting he did in nursery school of his friend floating in the sky with diamond eyes. It doesn’t matter if believe this story or if you, like many others, believe the title was Lennon’s way of saying the song was about LSD. What matters is this woman who once touched the heart of a little boy in nursery school, who has battled long and hard against this illness, is at last at rest. Finally her pain, her suffering, her agonizing battle is at an end. Lucy was 19 years older than me and I’m fairly certain that, aside from our battles with Lupus, we have lead rather different lives but for whatever reason her death has rocked me to my very core. Maybe it is because of her age or the fact that I have always loved that song I may never really know but I am truly saddened to hear that she lost her battle.

My only hope is that through this loss the world will become more aware of Lupus and realize that we need a cure.

Goodbye Lucy, may you rest in peace.

It is currently 5:45 am and I have been up since around 5. The house is quiet except for the hum of George’s computer and the train whistle from down the block. It’s a nice and cool morning and I sit here for the first time in weeks writing a blog post. I came on to my dashboard in order to write this post and realized that I have 6 drafts! Six post that all have great starts to them but they abruptly stop almost as if the rest of them had just been erased. This caused me to start thinking and asking myself questions as I sip my hazelnut coffee in the (increasingly unsettling) quiet of my apartment.

Why do all of these post just stop?

What’s going on that is causing me to hit a wall every time I sit down to write?

What can I do to get past those blockades?

(How is that toy truck staying on the shelf with all but 2 wheels hanging over the edge?!)

It is confusing to me that while I’ve been having trouble finishing work for my own personal blog I’ve had no problems writing for other projects. (WHOAH! Wait a second it took a lot of time to write that stuff, remember? Three whole days for the first page and several hours for the post yesterday.) I think I may be having issues with focus. (Ya think?!) I may be having trouble with talking to myself too. (Well, duh!) I think I’m starting to realize that this may be a problem. Truthfully I have had issues with finding my focus for as long as I can remember but in the past it was easier for me to get myself back on track when my mind would wander. I know that part of the problem is the Lupus interfering with normal function but I think there is more to it than that. (::distant patter of feet coming down the hall::*shiver* They’re BAAAACK!) The peaceful quiet of my morning coffee has official been put to an end, Kevyn is awake. (Guess this means it’s time to make breakfast.)
Well, I guess I’m never going to fully understand why I have trouble focusing. (You just don’t get it.) Guess it’s just something everyone goes through.