You maybe tired of hearing me talking about being sick, but how do you think I feel having live with it day to day? I don’t care if you are tired of hearing that I am sick, because guess what? I am sick and I am in pain! Whether I talk about it to you or not that will never change.

My days are hard, I have to think about how to complete the simplest tasks that YOU as a healthy person can do with out thinking about it. I have to create a plan for my days to make sure that I have enough energy to get through my day. I have lost who I once was. And I count on my family and my friends to help me connect to that person again. So, yes, I have to talk about my illness. I have to talk about my pain. I can never forget that I have this illness because it has changed my life completely. And comments from the people who are supposed to be my support, that say they are getting tired of hearing about my illness and my life with it, feel like a grand betrayal.

It feels as if I have no one to turn to. It feels as if I have to get through this alone, as if no one cares. Me talking about my illness does not mean that I have given in to the illness. I does not mean that I have stopped fighting. Me talking about my illness is my way of making sure that healthy people, like you, can have an understanding of what my illness does to me. The more people that are aware of just how hard it is to live with being sick the better chance I have of seeing SOMEONE make a difference to keep future people who are diagnosed with this from having to go through what I have.

So whether you are tired of hearing or seeing me talk about being sick I WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. I will continue to blog, tweet, and set Facebook status about what I am going through. I will continue to let people know that I am living with Lupus and APS and Fibromyalgia and Migraines and I will continue to show people with my words what I am going through. And if you are truly done with seeing these things, maybe it’s time for you to walk away, because in order for me to continue my fight I only want positive, supportive people around me.

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You see growing up I didn’t have much. My parents through amazing hard work were able to give us a roof over our heads and food and clothes but that was pretty much the extent of my existence. And I was happy. I never thought much about it but the majority of my clothing came from Salvation Army and Goodwill. As did some toys, furniture, kitchen supplies. It was because of the kindness of strangers that give to these charities that helped my family survive. It was because of food banks and church charities that many years we were able to have our Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. It was because of them that we got presents EVERY YEAR. Whether it was because they gave them or by giving us food my parents were able to take some money from the budget to buy them. But it was never one sided. When things were going good we made sure to give back so that whomever needed it that year would have it. See, no matter how bad things would get I knew that I would always have my family. I knew that everything else was immaterial.

It’s because of that life that I am determined to give more to my kids. Not because that life wasn’t good but because I can. I am in no way ashamed of the humble life that my parents gave me, in fact, I am proud. They gave me an abundance of love and caring, and that is something that is going to stay with me till I draw my last breath. They gave me my determination to make a better world and life for everyone. That gave me a open heart that reaches out to help anyone that I can. And they gave me the humility to know that it is not shameful to reach out and ask for help when you need it. I would not be who I am without the experiences of youth or without the love that my parents gave me. I only hope that I can teach my children the same lessons that my parents taught me. That no matter what we have the most important thing is the bond and the love between us all.

So, it’s because of this all that I can’t pass a single charity bucket without dropping something in it. I can’t just throw out my kids clothes that are in good condition but outgrown. That I’m going to go to the store and buy about a million boxes and cans of food for the Lincoln Elementary School food drive. I’ll make sure to give at least one toy, per child in my house to Toys for Tots. Because there are still families out there that need those things and are depending on the kindness of strangers. Because right now, things are good and I will never forget to give back when we can.

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